On a trip to a place called, “The Nowhere Bar,” I encountered the cross-section of society.
‘Twas a lonely visit,
as loneliness is the propelling factor
which drives me to all these places,
seeking love to visit people who become very,
very curious,
however, never have the balls to ask me the question.

 I met her Nowhere
I had been traveling,
Working on an article,
When I decided to stop at a dive bar
I had known about.

The normal thing that happens to me
When I spend time at a bar happened,
…
And started talking to me-
Assuming that
what I was typing on my phone
was my way of
Combating the stress
She had realized in my body language.

The look in her eyes
When she listened to my plight-
The wet eyes,
The yearning to comfort me…
I had not felt somebody’s eyes
do that for a long time!

I’m sure I did not ask her her name.
She was wearing a choker collar.
I do remember I loved her.

I pretended to not be completely interested for a short bit,
expecting that she was going to stay a little while longer.

That was so arrogant of me,
but being arrogant was not my intent!

I am unfortunate to myself.

She left without saying goodbye.

I walked outside,
And she looked at me before she hopped into her white car.

I do know why
I walked back into the bar
And did not go and get her.

… I was too too busy

Being arrogant.

She is all I’ve ever wanted
(At this point in my life.)

The only thing that
Kept me
From the only thing I’ve ever wanted
Was just one act of arrogance-

I asked her what her favorite song was,
and I tried to pay six dollars
to skip everybody else’s songs
on the juke box,
but the payment system kicked my card out,
saying that it was a suspicious purchase!
I never got to play her favorite song:
Little Lies by Fleetwood Mac:

I went back to see if she would be there.
The DJ that night was a cute woman with pink hair.
As I sat there, …
The normal thing that happens to me
When I spend time at a bar happened,
…
She was sitting across the bar from me, giving me “the eye.”

I kept typing on my phone,
pretending to ignore her beautiful eyes burning a hole through my soul.
She eventually got up and approached me.

“This is going to sound like a crazy question, but what is your birthday?” she asked!
Because of the look I gave her, she said,
“I was working at a Goodwill store three years ago,
and somebody came in and had the same birthday as me!”
Sparing you the details,
She and I were, indeed,
born on the same, exact month, day and year!
I asked for her phone number to get into contact with her,
but she declined,
“Instagram is how I interact with people;
I’ve been with my man for twelve years,
and he’s very protective.”
For whatever reason,
I offered to give her Richard Fritzinger’s drums set,
which has been sitting in storage for over 14 years!

She smiled widely as she expressed,
“I’ve always wanted to learn how to play the drums!”
She hugged me warmly and went back to her booth, where she DJ’d a night of Karaoke-
the kind of Karaoke you’d expect at a place like that.

If you ask for strength,

He will give it to you by weakening you.
If you ask for guidance,

His guidance is usually wrought through confusion.
{DISCHORD}

If you ask for Wisdom,
His words are Silence.

I’ll never forget how she looked
over the stall wall
at me.
The look of wanting and yearning in her eyes,
saying,

“It’s my turn to get out!!!
Aren’t you gonna get me outta’ here today?
I want to feel the love
and do the things you do with me!…!!!
Where are you going?”

That is how I feel about life
and everything right now.
The Business, The People, The Family-
all left me behind;

and I’m looking over the stall wall
with that look in my eye, going,
“Please, love me!
Why are you walking away?-
this hurts!”

It broke my heart to leave her there!

I sadly walked away with my saddle in my hand.

I almost cried.

I want to cry right now,
thinking about it;
but now’s not the time.

Her name was: …

Chip Van Hassel

(Disagreement)


Places Where You Used to expect Emotional
and financial support
from family members
are voids
which are programmed mental processes
which need to be reprogrammed,
either by replacing such relationships
or by completely accepting the loss of those relationships,
and therefore,
cease spending energy
towards those (lost) facets.


Five stages of Grief:


denial,
anger,
bargaining,
depression,
(and, finally,) acceptance.


“You are what you continue to do.”
-Aristotle

Here is the post I’ve begun writing concerning the issue.

Shave the hoof pounds.
Perfect filing
for the split- the kick.
Have the knack
of never having slack.

Build the Radio,
So you can play
at the Love Shak.
“It’s a little old place
Where we can
Get together.” …

She’s gone- for she never
was here.
New fact (for me,)
So shining, so beautious,
Can’t concentrate-
Must act, “a fool,”
To show her that
I am no tool,
(or her tool,)

Truth:
But I Am Her Tool-
The Game we play
AGAINST the, “self,”
Is by deed the only self.

November 20, 2022
…

Chip Van Hassel