Journeyman’s Journal
Wednesday January 29, 2025
14:32 HRS
70°F sunny, windy
-Morning-
The True, “Me”
Bible Verse: MATTHEW 7:6
MATTHEW 7:6
“Do not give dogs what is sacred;
do not throw your pearls to pigs.
If you do, they may trample them under their feet
and turn
and tear you to pieces.”
Everybody projects their best, “self,” out to the rest of the world. We attempt to mold people’s expectations of us according to the fabrications in our heads, (or fabrications of expectations which we deem to exist in other people’s heads about us).
This as a natural instinct in response to the ever-changing minds of the other humans around us. It is a social construct.
Most People are NOT Like Me.
I do not fit into that social construct. I have lost the expectations I had of myself when I was younger; and I have been disappointed, time and time again, when other people do not live-up to their word or change their expectations of me.
Therefore, I have lost, not only the expectations I used to harbor of other people, but I have also relinquished my interests in the former expectations which I had relegated myself to.
Call That A Mid-Life Crisis If You Want, But I Call It An After-Mid-Life-Crisis-Hump!
I have less expectations of myself and nearly zero expectation of other people. When a person has no expectations of himself or the people around him, that person does not respond to other people in the ways which everybody else typically projects their personalities out into the world.
The person of less expectation exercises apathy in a genuine way (“The True, ‘Me’!”).
This way is different from most peoples’, because most people view, “apathy,” simply as being, “un-caring,” or, “not emotionally affected by a situation”.
However, to a person who has experienced trauma repeatedly throughout their lives, their type of, “apathy,” is completely different from the average person’s apathy!
As for the last kid being pointed at and laughed at because he is the last one picked for kick-ball, traumatized people have felt and understand what is going through that kid’s head! Therefore, our apathy is not for the kid who’s picked last, but for the lack of love from those people who have picked the kid last!
They lack love for themselves more than they lack love for others; and that is what I experience apathy for!
I am much different from the finger pointers and those laughers- they who chose the poor kid to be last!
Ironically, for that ^, (their own actions,) I am shunned from their social construct!
Why Aren’t Most People Like Me?
When you do a job better than expectations or do something nice for (certain,) people, (these days,) most People expect you to expect some sort of overly-inflated return for that kindness.
Therefore, it is, now, normal to, “instinctively,” refrain from, “going that extra mile;” or, “lending an extra ear,” to a stranger in need!
For me, apathy has set-in. Survival instinct compels me to suppress my being aware of all of which I am aware of, (dictionary definition of, “cognitive dissonance”).
More and more, as people around me bury their heads in their phones or are so encumbered by all of their time and their spiritual energy being commandeered by their work, do not read the laws which are bing passed right now.
They are not reading the text of the papers which the House of Representatives and the Senate, then, the President are voting into law. …. Does this concern me? …. No. …
Apathy? No. … Cognitive Dissonance!
So, How Are Most People NOT Like Me If EVERYBODY Employs Cognitive Dissonance?
I Do read those papers and laws which the Senate, House and Commander In Chief are debating over.
I publish the shit which they are doing.
It is shit which ends up with me serving you a Shit-Sandwich, butt which is something which I do! Due
Poop!
to the last two sentences, I just said, “do due!”!!!
The President to me is number, zero; the Senate is number, one, but the House is always just busy doing the, “number, two!”
Who Is Congress Doing the, “Number Two,” All Over?
All over your grandchildren’s prepubescent, squishy, little heads, that’s who!
-Afternoon-
So, What is on the Roster for Today?
Stock Market:
I gotto check out PTLE
And DVN.
I need to figure out how much money I don’t have!
After speaking with Rebecca on the phone for about an hour today, tomorrow leads me to a brand new day; and I look forward to moving forward upon it!
-Evening-
-Ride Tight
Chip
Friday, January 24, 2025
10:09 HRS
41°F windy, sunny
Out of Few Come Many
The cold last night was not too, too bad. The wind has become less aggressive as the winter front dusts northern Florida and Louisiana with snow.
A pastor once told the congregation to, “Journalize the Bible!” I understood what he meant. I have simply not done that. It does, though, say, in PROVERBS,
Bible Verse:
“Do not envy the wicked,
PROVERBS 24:1-6
do not desire their company;
for their hearts plot violence,
and their lips talk about making trouble.
By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established;
through knowledge its rooms are filled
with rare and beautiful treasures.
The wise prevail through great power,
and those who have knowledge muster their strength.
Surely you need guidance to wage war,
and victory is won through many advisers.”
No, I do not envy, nor do I pity the wicked. I keep away from they! People, in the horse racing business, are always plotting violence by making trouble. Usually, it is the pencil pushers, the desk jockeys and the clipboard carriers who make trouble.
The reason they do this is because they are less capable than the people around them. Indeed, they attempt to surround themselves with people of lower value and ability, but they can find none; so they plot schemes and purposely create a haphazard environment which any self-respecting person would eventually complain about, thereafter, become labeled as, “The Problem”!
Yes, the person, in this business, who points out faults with the intention of bettering the business, (as a whole,) is always the one pushed, (chased, rather,) out of the barn and treated as a complication and a difficult person, as opposed to being recognized as a well-thought-out proponent of the vested interests of the entire mechanism!
Every place I have been, (most recently, Kenny McPeek’s,) every time I put-forth the correct amount of effort to better the product and the industry, my coworkers, and, especially, the assistants and people above me, (including the trainers in many cases,) begin to chastise me and attempt to gaslight and to project upon me; because they do not understand the realm of perfection which I have already experienced and want to share with everybody I meet for the rest of my life!
Perfection is frowned upon and shunned!
Kenny McPeek’s assistants even told me, “Yeah, every time I think I’m doing a good job, the next day, I come in and it feels like I am just waiting to get fired! Every time I put-forth a good effort to make this place better, the people around me freak-out, and it feels like I’m just going to get fired!” (Paraphrased)
Be Advised:
That’s right, after you have been to the top, like I have, you begin to think and act differently. Your expectations of the people around you become heightened; therefore, your level of disappointment in your fellow man is heightened in congruency with that raised level of expectation!
The more you expect from this world, the less you will receive. The less you expect from this world, the more you will understand.
On a Different Note:
I have not written poetry in over fifteen years. I used to write pages and pages of it when I was in my teens and early twenties! As my realizations and expectations have changed over time, so has my writing style and my reading preferences. I stay completely away from fiction. I study a lot of history, political history, Masonic shit, religious and philosophical shit as well. I have come to understand that the Masons are the only ones who truly know history as it actually happened and that the secretes of freemasonry are merely the Truth about reality more than anything. It is not, “ha, ha,” funny that they have collectively, purposely hidden the shape of the world from their neighbors’ children, and even their grandchildren (at this juncture); yet it is funny in a peculiar way!
This, “peculiar way,” is, in fact, their intentionally refusing to know the truth and to purposely push lies that they, themselves, don’t even believe! These people know that they do not know the truth; and they are happier with being aware of their ignorance, in the stead of feeling (self)-discontent for their willful ignorance, (which, in most cases, amounts to pure, natural stupidity!)
Studies:
I admit that my most recent studies have been comprised of studying graphs of the stock market, trying to see and understand the patterns of the price fluctuations of the stocks. My buddy, Travis, has tuned $150.00 in to $1,600.00 in the last five months; and, if he cashes in 495 shares of PTLE at $14.25, he will have proved a profit of $6,903.75! …. In five months off of a one hundred and fifty dollar investment!!!
I still own 8 shares of PTLE.
I also own 1 shares of DVN, but I am down $36.00, because Robinhood charged $100.00 to transfer my account from them to Fidelity. ACTUALLY, that is a LIE! They did not charge me; what they did was, create a negative $100.00 balance, transfer that negative balance to Fidelity; then, Fidelity charged me that $100.00. …. It is all a scam! I am simply going to wait for the stock to make-up for that loss; at which point, I am going to find a more legitimate way to play the market!
I have been keeping an eye on President Donald Trump’s Executive Actions. I am entertained by the whole, horrifying deal!
If he survives the next four years, it would be a feat of security, vigilance and a testament to how capable and amazing Men are (specifically on the battle-front)!
Trump just signed an order to release the JFK Files; and my pen lies, not in wait to publish those things which I already know,… facts for which people will call me crazy for divulging until they read and see for themselves!
It was the driver, shooting a pneumatic pistol with his left hand:
When Jackie tried to climb out of the back of the car, the secret service member grabbed her arm- … not to help her, but to detain her!
Watch the Driver!
“They killed Jack”. She said. “They,” meaning the Secret Service!
Today is going to be another day of mental organization- of writing in my daily planner and notebooks; sticking post-it notes, in procrastination, in specific places. It is going to be an administrative day, of sorts. I am bracing for tonight’s 31 degree weather! Contemplating removing my stuff from storage; but, knowing the money, time and energy involved in such an endeavor, I shall be putting-it-off one, more day, as I have for the last two years!
My complacency has become stagnancy!
It did, though, take me two hours and forty minutes to type what you have just read!
Don Adams Studies:
I was doing some research for my friend, Don Adams. Our research had compelled me to contact the George Washington Presidential Library, requesting a letter written by George Washington Parke Curtis, (President Washington’s step-son,) to Lawrence Lewis, dated, June 20, 1846.
What I want to find in the letter is correspondence regarding Lawrence Lewis’ desire to be relinquished of the responsibility of being one of the only two, surviving executors of President George Washington’s estate.
They responded with the following email; and photos of the letter are below.
“….
Thank you for your inquiry. The document you requested has been digitized and is available online using the following link – https://catalog.mountvernon.org/digital/collection/p16829coll22/id/5104/rec/1
Best regards,
Dawn Bonner
Dawn Bonner
Manager of Visual Resources
__________________________________
The George Washington Presidential Library
at Mount Vernon
-Chip Van Hassel
Thursday, January 23, 2025
14:45 HRS
48°F windy, cloudy & cold
Day of Waiting the Cold out in Ocala
Spent the night under blankets to survive the thirty-five degree temperature. Woke up well after sunrise; and the wind still blew as it does now, as it did last night.
Tarp Fingers in the Sky!
The flapping of my tarp, overhead, reminds me of a flag made of thin fabric which surfs upon the treacherously wailing wind, waiting to rip and tear, to become tattered to fly as fingers of listless strings, waving irratically in the wind; losing theirselves, piece-by-piece, with every blast of time-intensifying, cold breeze which ravages the woven fabric into martyr-like shreds of disappearing embers into the grey, Florida, winter sky.
Starbucks Oligarchic System Defeat! (POWER UNLOCKED!)
Yesterday, I spent over five hours at Starbucks typing and researching; getting caffeine-high as fuck as the fourth coffee rolled around!
I have defeated their system! …. At Starbucks, after you purchase a coffee, the refill is $0.54. So, I just buy a large and keep paying fifty-four cents for a refill, saving me an average of $15.95 every time I visit!
I suffered quite the headache in the evening as the result of downing five coffees in five hours and not eating a single thing! (That was last night.)
Stock Market Venture
This afternoon, I invested about $23.00, purchasing 8 shares of PLTE and placed a stop limit order to sell at $14.24, getting out just one penny before my buddy, Travis, (who clued-me-in on the stock,) sells his 495 shares! He is convinced that the stock will hit $15.00; but I contend that most people will get out around $11.48. (Don’t ask me why.).
I also placed a limit buy order on VST if the price drops down to $190.00 per share, to buy one share; and the offer expires by 4pm, today; (and it did expire). My intuition tells me to leave all of my money in there and to find a similar stock, such as in companies like: NVIDIA, which is at $146.23 right now. I need to do more stock research.
I got a kick out of watching events at the Oval Office. One of them being this one:
-Chip
Wednesday, January 22, 2025
15:37 HRS
48°F Cloudy and Windy
Cold Day In Ocala
It was raining and thirty-five degrees. I was cold, hungry and not well rested from being kept awake all night by the sound of the tarp (I had strung-up to shield me from the rain,) flapping in the raging wind and almost uprooting from it’s pinnings to fly away in to the cold, dark, raining, windy night!
I realize and admit that I have been spoiled- living the life o an exercise rider; because I used to make such a large amount of money in such a very small amount of time!
I used to work from 6:00 am until 10:00 am, earning about $100.00 per day, only working for four hours!
I would be ending my workday just as most people would be just starting their, “nine-to-five” jobs!
I would go, sip coffee, do research, write articles, fuck-around and do virtually anything I wanted to do all day! The rest of the world was a, “slave to the grind;” and I was a “freedman,” impervious to the grind of modern-day slavery!
Now that I am not an exercise rider anymore, reality is slowly, darkly and blatantly, “sinking-in”! .. or, “kicking-in,” rather!
I, now, have to join the slavery-workforce of the day- where people drive away from their homes to preform work at another place for another person or a company who/which has the sole purpose of profiting off of the workers’ labor- as opposed to each profiting off of each other’s mutual efforts!
In other words, I have to engage in the pure capitalism which I HATE!…. The capitalism of: men who sit at a desk, pushing a pen to profit off of another man who works in the fields. The man who works in the fields is only to receive an unacceptable portion of his earned wages, which barely supplements the needs of the worker- himself or his family!
It may sound like I am complaining and being crucially negative, however, I contend that what I just surmised is the sad truth!
So, what is my plan? ….
I do NOT have one!!!
The math requires that I earn a minimum of $300.00 a month to pay my bills, (not including food, gas and medicine).
My plan is to, at least, get a part-time job to cover those expenses. …. Getting rich used to be my plan; but I have realized that I will not become rich unless I start taking advantage of people and situations. I am not a selfish guy; I am a nice guy; therefore, I shall (almost) always finish last!
It is 4:15 pm; and I am sitting at a Starbucks, typing this. The people around me inherently believe I am either getting paid to do this, or I am in school, working hard towards some distant goal. The latter is partially true; however, the school I attend is, purely, my own; there are no notable degrees which to earn; and graduating from such an institution is absolutely impossible!
I will say that I have wasted one more day of my life becoming that which I despise!
I have been camping at Kate’s and Neil’s- jobless- homeless-almost penniless, dejected, lazy, depressed and stagnant. I have not lifted weights or worked-out in quite some time! I do not act using the same drive and ambition I used to be compelled by!
Call it a, “mid-life-crisis”; for that is exactly what it is!
I no longer want to persue the career of being a jockey, because the horsemanship in the business has basically eroded! The big trainers make money purely off of volume anymore, and it is no longer a sport of quality, but a greed for quantity!
I profusely admit that I experience cognitive dissonance concerning that matter, because I simply do not want to accept that the business I grew up loving and learning no longer exists! I liken it to being a cooper!
There came a time when people no longer required barrels for their liquids, because we have other materials (like plastic,) to hold liquids in; therefore, coopers, the barrel makers, went out of business, as have the wooden wheel makers and the carriage makers have much gone out of business, for the world has changed so that their services are no longer required.
It is tough- feeling antiquated and obsolete,… no longer useful. That is how I feel- like my breed has already died, so I am unjustly beating the dead dog with a pitiful, broken, green twig (at this point).
They say,
“Shit; or get off the pot!”
They
Well, my friend, I see no throne upon which to sit, no pot in which to shit and no paper is left to crag the slag from the unworthy, plastic, non-existent bag!
The world is completely different and new from how I had expected it to be (when I was a kid).
The world I had built within my own mind never existed! …. – not in physical reality!
I am now, at forty-six-years-old, just realizing this! People used to think I am crazy. It has taken some time to realize that there is less wrong with me than there is wrong with they!
This does not mean that I do not need to correct my thoughts and actions. It does mean, though, that I need to correct my expectations of myself and my expectations of the actions (and reactions,) of other people.
It is necessary for me to change my mind-frame from my current understanding to something which is yet to be created; because these people don’t know what’s going on around them, (for real,) to begin with,… so why allow them to create for me some reality which they have no image of themselves?!?
Do we, “create our own reality”? ….
To some extent,… yes. “You are what you continue to do.” -Aristotle …
… So,… … What Am I?
I am a sojourner, a carrier of the light. I am NOT the light, but a witness to that light. Just as the Apostle, John wrote about John the Baptist, I am a witness of the light; but, more so, a witness of the darkness. That is not a willful choice; it is the path which has been laid-out before me. I see the darkness in everything; it is not my choice. I have always, “seen-in-darkness,” even while my father was still alive. I remember, one time, playing/pretending that my brother, Greg, had died, (when I was about seven-years-old,) and I was placing a keychain which he had given me at the head of his grave! There was no darkness in my life to compel me to think in such a dark way at such a young age, but that was simply what my brain naturally did, then; and it continues to do!
I always see the darknesses in every situation. That is how my brain is wired.
I view it more of a curse than a blessing!
I feel that I have no, “purpose,” in life. I do not serve any useful function for anybody anymore.
I have no place in this world right now, except for people to feel sorry for me, to pity me, to offer me charity and to learn from my mistakes- …
“Don’t do what he did!”
They
I have become the example of what not to do, who not to be, how not to act, what not to think and how not to live! I have almost become the epitome of that which I despise! My writing of what you are reading right now is my only saving grace! …. Life is a dung hill. I am the rooster who stands upon it to crow!
-Chip
Monday, January 20, 2025
15:30 HRS
67°F Cloudy
Inauguration Day
Today was cold and rainy. I watched live coverage of Donald Trump being sworn-in as the 47th President of the United States.
I watched Trump sign a number of executive orders and felt slightly embarrassed at his,… candid demeanor with reporters who interrupted his signing of the documents by rudely barking questions at him.
President Trump seemed passive, yet up-front with his answers. President Trump seems to not, “sit on the fence,” regarding most issues. When he is, “sitting on the fence,” he clearly states that he is undecided- as opposed to taking a pseudo-moralistic stance on one side or the other, within some allegory which politicians tend to fabricate as their profession.
Frankly, today was a day I have been waiting for. …Not that I expect the world to change over night; but I do feel and expect some change of some sort on many levels!
-Chip
Thursday, January 16, 2025
10:00 HRS
73°F Sunny
Dennis Manning Refuses to Pay me.
I galloped one horse for Dennis Manning at Oak Ridge Training Center in Ocala Florida today. I followed instructions perfectly. Mr. Manning was not happy with how the horse trained. Here is a video of how Dennis Manning treats people:
Monday, November 4, 2024
76°F Sunny, autumn day.
76°F Sunny, autumn day.
She (Julie Gomena,) is purposely not nice to me anymore. She fucks with me, every day, so that nobody knows what to do; and it has gotten to the point where she doesn’t even know what is what anymore! She’s spending all of her energy fucking with me, and making everybody else suffer the result
First thing in the morning, instead of saying, “good morning,” to me, she started barking orders at me, and everybody was completely confused! Nobody could do their job because they had to wait for her to do everything,… And she changed every, single thing, so nobody knew what to do; and we had to work together to get the job done. She was too busy abusing me. It was impossible for everybody to do anything think straight.
Saturday, November 2, 2024
73°F Sunny, windy, autumn day.
People Go Insane After They Realize You Know The Truth!
When a narcissistic abuser realizes that their victim has, “caught-on,” to the scheme, the abuser immediately discards the victim in order to make room for a new, unsuspecting victim.
A, “narcissistic abuser,” is a person also known as an, “Energy Vampire.”
If you, as the victim, are too mature, or strong, for the abuser to drain your energy, they will become a, “Time Pirate;” which means that they will steal your time, (and, in turn, your energy,) too!
When I feel like typing-up the article about my personal experience with narcissistic abusers, I shall publish it here.
The Narcissistic Boss And Their Corrupted View of How Capitalism Works
Reality:
Capitalism is when you profit from providing a product or a preforming service.
How A Narcissist Thinks:
“Capitalism is when you sit behind a desk and profit from somebody else providing a product or from somebody else performing a service.”
In other words, a Narcissist believes that they are entitled to be paid money as the result of somebody else doing the actual work; then, the narcissist calls that payment, “earnings.”
Embezzlement:
The Maze of Lack of Accountability of the FGCC:
Rigmarole:
Friday, November 1, 2024
76°F Sunny, light rain before sunrise. Perfect, autumn day.
It is Okay for Them to Treat You Poorly, But NOT Okay If You to React Normally:
ABOUT NARCISSISTIC ABUSERS:
Narcissistically Abusive people do not use rational thought processes as do, “normal,” people.
When a, “normal,” person is incorrect about something, they acknowledge their error, recalibrate their decision making process, then, correct the error. For example:
ACKNOWLEDGE ERROR: “I was Wrong.
RECALIBRATE ACTIONS: “I am Sorry.”
CORRECT THE ERROR: “I will do, ‘such and such,’ differently.”
When a Narcissistically Abusive person is incorrect, they will not publicly admit that they were wrong. Worse-off, the reality 0f how a Narcissistic Abusive person thinks is that they convince themselves that they were never wrong in the first place! There is the starting-point from which they begin their thought process!
In other words, their, “rational thought process,” begins using an incorrect premise, (which is folly;) and they persist in that folly, (as does a fool)!
“A fool who persists in his folly will eventually become wise.”
Alan Watts The Way of Zen
For example, let us assume that my boss is a Narcissistic abusive person. (I will not go in to the background here. If you have been reading, or if you scroll and read, the whole story is documented here.) Below is an email I sent to myself this morning as notes (to write off of). Realistically, I simply need to pack my van up and go; but I have no where to go and not enough money to make it there! Here is the email:
“She started putting the racing trunk right at the bottom of my stairs; and I would trip over it because I wouldn’t know it was there in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning because it was dark. Yesterday afternoon, she put the ice chest there too to make less room to come down the stairs from my apartment; and she does it purposely to make my life difficult. When I first ran into the tack trunk first thing in the morning a couple of weeks ago, I thought, “covert narcissism! ” … But I marked-it-up as me being overly sensitive and wrong. (“She just always puts the trunk there. She’s just peculiar; she did not put it there to purposely be in my way!”) However, yesterday, when I saw the ice chest there… I had the same thought!
But when I came down the stairs and tripped over the fucking thing the next morning, spilling my coffee on myself and all over the ground, (knowing the trunk or cooler does NOT need to be at the landing of my stairs, (and even if that is where she puts it she doesn’t need it for another two fucking days,) I knew it is complete covert narcissism.
Her putting that shit there is her covert way of establishing dominance, but also, abusing, picking-on somebody, and doing something, selfish, aggressive, abusive and crazy; but when the person she abuses points it out to anybody, you sound over sensitive and crazy!
-The narcissist takes your horses away- treats you like you can’t ride them, like you went too fast, … or just takes you off of them as a form of abuse:
Shepp
Charmer
Risky
Puts you on the crippled, (Stifles,) and difficult, (Marshall,) horses.”
-They set you up for failure by giving you a task which will definitely be imperfect, and when something, “imperfect,” occurs, they blame the, “imperfection,” on you and, also, add that to their crazy, made-up list in their heads of all the things you don’t know how to do and are too stupid to learn how to do.
The irony is that all of those tasks which they set you up for failure upon,… You accomplish those tasks better than they can; and the reason they are abusive with you is because they are jealous and trying to destroy your self-confidence to remove you as the threat which they (insanely) deem you to be to them, their ego, reputation or, “what have you”!
Wednesday, October 30, 2024
How Taking Advantage of somebody (who points that out to you,) destroys your entire plan:
What was her plan?
To devalue me to the point where she could say that I did not know how do to anything around horses; therefore, I should only be paid an un-skilled workers’ wage. Her plan was to treat me like I am somebody whom I am not- an uneducated, unaccomplished, non-professional ! It’s called, “Crazy Making“.
The fact of the matter is that abusive people are scared of their own realization of failure, that they purposely and actively deplete the value of their fellow man in order to maintain a dysfunctional status quo, therefore, lowering the worldly standard, making it easier to live at whatever quality of life they deem to be satisfactory.
Chip Van Hassel
I told Sam, “When somebody says something, then, tells you they never said it, that is called, “crazy making.” When the person they are trying to make crazy does not take the bait, the attacker ends up going crazy, themselves!” I am not sure if Sam even had an inkling of a clue as to what I was conveying to him. Most people are unaware of the Tools of Narcissistic Abuse.
The Insanity of Not Being Crazy
When I first took the job, everything was great! Nothing seemed Insane. Nothing seemed crazy. The boss, Julie, expressed how happy she was with the work I was doing; and there was an air of uncomfortable excitement of what the future might bring. She was happy, at that time, for many reasons; but, after I pointed-out exactly which all of those reasons were, she immediately became unhappy, bitter and spiteful! All of the wonderful things she thought she was offering me in comparison to what little she thought she I was compensating her with became clear in a single moment when I proved to her that she was not giving me what she said she was giving to me; and what I had to offer was undoubtedly much much more than she was willing to pay fair market value for. All in all, she wanted a $1,300.00 job to be done for $650.00 and, also, for the job to take twice as long than necessary!
Here is a list of reasons she was happy (in her mind. After that, I will show that list again from the standpoint of an attorney,
She got mad because she used profit off of me $1,700.00 a month, but now she has to hand me $2,600.00 cash every month instead.
which was the reason her realizations made her so unhappy.):
What She Hired Me for :
To be:
-An accomplished equestrian who is self-sufficient in managing a stable area and providing top-notch service and care to all people, horses, equipment and facilities who is a top-notch, professional rider. We need somebody who is fiscally conscientious, self-respecting, intelligent and well-versed in all aspects of caring for steeplechase, timber horses and fox hunters.
MOST IMPORTANTLY:
-We need you to lie to both the state and federal government about your current residency and, also, lie about the amount of money you pay in rent, also, lie about who you pay it to. Tell the government that you are paying us $1,200.00 in rent, even though you are not! That being said, it is now implied that you are, “working-off,” that $1,200.00 per month, therefore, your salary looks like you earned that money, but there can be ZERO paper-trail of that money!
-We need you to prove to the government that you are our tenant, but we are not going to give you a lease. (If you give you a lease, you are leally protected, and we also have to legally account for that $1,200.00 per month on paper; but we don’t want to do that, so lets just keep that part, “hush, hush,…”
-We need you to accept less money than we had originally agreed to, work more hours and take-on more responsibility. If you do not agree to us using you as a money-laundering pawn, we don’t want you to work for us at all!
-Furthermore, we want to use your name to purchase a health insurance policy that costs (somebody,) $800.00 per month. It does not cost us anything or you anything, but we can take credit for it, somehow!
-All in all, if you become our servant and, “turn a blind eye,” to facilitate us in laundering $2,00.0.00 per month, we will grace you with the opportunity to work on a horse farm all day!
What She PRETENDED She Was Getting:
A non-independent thinker who does not know what a, “half-halt,” is and is too stupid to understand how to feed horses. Somebody who is NOT self-sufficient in anything around the barn. You are an unskilled employee; therefore, we do not need to pay you fair market value. We are gifting you over $2,000.00 per month, for which you are unworthy and ungrateful. You do not deserve to get paid, (or even get paid on time,) respectively. When you ask to get paid, realize that it is a gift, not income, that we are being overly-generous with you, and you should kiss our feet for offering you this amazing deal; but don’t tell the government about the facts of the arrangement!
What She Got:
Liabilities:
The above numbers indicate that (on rent plus health insurance,) I spend $1,700.00 per month which means that my money is being allocated from one place to another, but I never access or control that money.
The following numbers have been projected which suggest that I am a financial liability, as opposed to being an asset to the business:
| Liability: | Monthly: | Annually: |
| Rent | $1,000 | $12,000 |
| “Health Insurance” | $700 | $8,400 |
| Salary | $2,800 | $33,600 |
| TOTAL: | $4,500.00 | $54,000.00 |
I do not have any receipt of earning the above alluded to money, nor do I have a receipt to prove where I got that money from or which form of payment(s) I used when paying rent and health insurance.
I cannot prove that I am the person financially responsible for those expenses.
On paper, I am earning ,”$36,400.00″ per year and spending $20,400.00 per year, left with $16,000.00 for all other expenses.
However, I cannot claim those expenses, because I do not have any receipts for any of those transactions to produce when applying for a car loan or a line of credit.
I am being told that I am earning $36,400.00 per year and spending $20,400.00 per year, but I am factually earning, (roughly,) $27,600.00 per year and spending exactly $0.00 (zero dollars) per year on those two expenses.
When applying for a car loan, these are the two different sets of figures I may supply to the bank::
Earnings:$56,800.00 (consider that tax bracket!)
Rent: $12,000.00
Other expenses: $8,400.00
These are the True figures I can provide to the bank:
Earnings:$27,600.00 (consider that tax bracket!)
Rent: $0
Other expenses: $0
Total Expenses: $0
The numbers they provided me look good and work in their favor on a fiscal level, but the numbers do not benefit me in true life.
Actual numbers, therefore, the TRUTH.
76°F Sunny
16:42 HRS
Monday, October 28, 2024
Last night, while I was drinking at the bar, Keith Ruthe texted me, “All I can say is for myself the drinking and doing drugs wasn’t working for me anymore. It was fun until it wasn’t. Nothing positive has ever come from my drug use. Although every day isn’t easy. It’s better than being miserable and in a dark depression. Doors are opening and I thank that to my being sober. I walked into the rooms of na and aa.”
I replied, “Alcohol continues to keep me in its grasp. I have learned moderation; however, it has ruined every, single personal and business relationship I have ever had. And it continues to to this day.
“It’s never too late to make a change maybe find a meeting keep an open mind.” He assured me. Then he concluded, “Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom before realize that a change is necessary.”
And he was correct!
After that text conversation, I had another crazy, stupid, drunken night. In the morning, I texted Keith to let him know how rock bottom I had hit. I failed to explain to him that the reason I forgot where I had parked my car is because I have a narcissistic, abusive boss who has been fucking with my head every day, so I can’t think straight anymore! Here is the text I sent him:
“After we texted last night, I left the bar and drove block to the grocery store. I left the grocery store with a gallon of milk and a bag of groceries. I forgot that I had moved my car and thought it got towed! When I walked back into the bar, I dropped the gallon of milk and it exploded all over the floor. I told the bartender that my car got towed, so he called the police for me. and they came. And said they had not towed anything. I realized my mistake. The cop simply told me not to out the keys in the ignition and to sleep it off.
I need to stop drinking completely.
Alcohol has ruined my life completely.
Thank you for texting me last night,… you got through to me. …
We drink ourselves to a point where we no longer have options in life; but what you said to me last night made me re-think my attitude about alcohol.
The reason I drink is because I’m lonely, and it gives me an excuse to go Out and talk to people.”
He has not responded yet.
I took the day off
Today is Monday, and that is supposed to be my day off, so I took it off. I feel that I am going to get fired first thing in the morning- that my boss is going to fire me instead of saying, “Good morning,” or giving me a task to preform. The senseless drinking and texting people (even my boss!) while drunk has become impossible for people to put-up with.
The whole milk episode at bar works out for me because I am both too embarrassed to walk back in there; and I am probably also kicked-out and cut-off from that place,… basically the only bar in town. I got kicked out of the other bar last week, because the bartender was rude to me, and I drunkenly bought her bullshit to her attention. So, I got kicked out of that bar. It works out for me, because I was spending over $200.00 a week there, getting drunk and throwing money around! I got so drunk the other night that I went to the grocery store and left a fifty dollar bill on the counter for the check-out woman! Getting kicked out of the only two bars in town probably works out for the best for me!
I called Charles Napravnik and talked to him for a good forty minutes. We hadn’t talked in quite a while. I explained to him my alcohol problem, to which he was surprised and had no idea! I apologized to him for anything crazy I may have said and did in the past; but he said there was nothing he could think of.
I called Wes Cook and talked racetracks and moving horses from place to place. He offered me a spot at the Fairgrounds in Louisiana, but I had to turn him down because Louisiana is a dangerous shithole!
I called Joel Kaufman and spoke politics with him. He is in his late seventies. The wise words Joel shared regarding politics are:
“Things don’t change; only the people do.”
Joel Kaufman
Today was supposed to be pay day. My boss hasn’t mentioned a damn thing about paying me!
15:58 HRS
63°F Sunny
Sunday, October 27, 2024
Ignoring People- The Ultimate Sign of Weakness
It is not normal to ignore people. It is an overt sign of disrespect.
He loaded a horse on to the trailer. As he exited the trailer, he said, “good morning!” to the driver’s girlfriend and daughter; but the women continued to lean-down, petting a dog, ignoring the man.
It is the weak person’s way of seemingly maintaining dominance over other people. It is a shameful act of narcissism and selfishness. It is childish and petty. If the man ever acted the way that woman did, they would call him rude.
This is all because we live in a speculative world, and the operative people are shunned by weaker people.
Friday, October 25, 2024
Forcing me to bring my van to the mechanic
She forced me to drop my van off with her mechanic to fix it, even though I told her it was no worth the money.
She Always Wants to Control Everything
When I dropped my van off, the mechanic made it obvious that my time was not valuable to him. He did not seem to treat me with respect. He chose apathy and disregard.
When Julie drove me to pick my van up, she did not tell me what the mechanic had said to her on the phone about the vehicle. It was as if it was a secret and I did not need to know. The same thing happened when we walked in to the garage and greeted the mechanic. They both acted like I wasn’t even standing there!
I popped the hood, and Julie looked at me as if I were crazy or stupid or something. The problem with people like Julie is that they are intimidated by people like me who can do things just as well as she can, (or even better;) and the war she wages against capable people such as myself is a passive-aggressive tantrum of exclusion.
I stood there, and they talked to each other as if I wasn’t even standing there! My body language could have only been interpreted as though I had something to say; however, they both ignored my presence! When the moment came to begin a conversation, the mechanic looked at me blankly and, uttered, “What’s up?”
He had a look on his face like he didn’t know what I was going to ask him. They both had treated me as though I was not important! They purposely treated me with a lack of respect.
The mechanic told me that the frame is rusted out, that it won’t pass inspection and that it was not worth the money to repay the vehicle.
I got in my van and drove in to town to grab a burger at the pub.
HRS
°F Sunny
Frogz
Journeyman’s Journal
Thursday, October 17, 2024
Woke up hoping for the phone to ring, as I had just been fired two suns ago. The only offer I got was all the way across the country- a 15 hour drive and a minimum of $3,200.00 in overhead. I politely suggested that I could not afford to make the trip.
I received an email from the FGCC which read:
“Good Morning Mr. Vanhassel,
FGCC Case Number: 2023064914
We sincerely apologize for the delay in our response and any inconvenience it may have caused.
We wanted to let you know that there were no informal hearings scheduled for September or October as we are in the process of transitioning to a new Informal Hearing Officer.
Rest assured, we will keep you updated as soon as an informal hearing date is set for your case. Your case is certainly on our radar for the next available hearing.
Thank you for your understanding and patience
Thanks,
-Ebonie Lanier
There is zero accountability.
the FGCC has been, “passing the buck,” on me since 2018! I am not going to describe that debacle right now. It makes me want to take every piece of information the send me, send them a FOIA request for every discrepancy, and forward all of those requests to the Person who was elected as the final answer for the FGCC, Ron DeSantis.
Freedom of Information Act Request
What is my next move?
I do not know! I feel alone and unloved. I have been misunderstood, and I cannot articulate my wants and needs efficiently. People think I am okay because I am quiet. I am actually quiet because other people are not okay, and I do not know what to say. … Being an introvert is a lonely life.
I contacted the Peidmont Fox Hounds 5405927100 and left a message for Caitlin. I was told, by Master Ryan, yesterday, that they have somebody starting next week; but he told me to, “just go over there!” I do not know where to go, and I don’t want to just wander onto the farm;… people tend to look at me funny whenever I do that.! People are always wondering what you are going to steal from them!
I need to replace either my vehicle or my radiator.
I have no horses to love right now. I am not allowed to shovel their poop or kiss their noses. Humans are not giving me the unconditional love which horses give. I am sad right now.
I have not been eating regularly or eating much at all. The timing of my job mixed with my depression makes me nauseous most of the time. I miss having a family to talk to. I miss the way people were before everything all changed about ten years ago. To express my angst would only be to complain.
13:39 HRS
59°F Sunny
Middleburg, VA
Frogz
Friday, October 18, 2024
I set my alarm to wake up at 5:15 a.m. to text my old boss: “I was wrong. I am sorry. Please, let me work and give horses love.”
She responded, “Ok come down at 6.”
‘Twas a somber morning at work- very quiet and awkward. It is difficult surpassing the mental block- knowing that they don’t need you here and don’t care if you leave. They made it a point to say, “We don’t need you. We can carry on fine without you. You can leave any time you want.”
That attitude creates negative morale in the workplace. Since my workplace is rolled-in to where I live- all my eggs are in one basket. The emotional support I get from the horses, my housing, my income and the interpersonal relationships needed to survive are all tied to one person, one place. … a person who has told me that they don’t care if I leave, in a place where I don’t feel completely comfortable or welcomed.
I enjoyed the morning.
I rode three horses: one fox hunter to walk-trot through the woods; galloped Risky at Middleburg training center, sitting third behind Julie, aboard, “Annie,” who remained reserved off the heels of, “Little GT,” piloted by Sam. Risky settled nicely and was a perfect gentleman. We galloped two turns. coming to the quarter-pole the for last time, I gave Risky a little squeeze, and he took more of a hold than I would have preferred; but it was nice for him to settle-back-in-to-position and calmly finish the gallop showing a lot more steam than the two horses. We pulled up and walked back to the trailer peacefully. It was one of the most perfect experiences I have ever earned the pleasure of!
The third horse I rode this morning was Marshall, a fox hunter who argues with me the whole time I ride him- so extensively that he spends more energy fucking with me in front of the jumps instead of putting his feet in the right places. It is dangerous! It is as if he is attempting to injure himself on purpose! I know he’s not trying to injure me; because he would do it easily if he wanted to- he goes the whole time with a hump in his back and a steady disregard for the left reign. He uses these two leveraging points to force me to ride him defensively- which makes him even more argumentative! It is not an enjoyable situation, however humbling and satisfying that Marshall allows me to stay on his back and brings me, safely, back to the barn.
I cleaned tack while Sam fed. Don Adams called while I was cleaning tack. He told me he’d call me this evening. Time went by, and it got quiet in the barn. I peeked outside to see that Sam’s red truck was gone. All the lights were still on in the barn, but everybody had left without saying a word. I rinsed my tack cleaning sponge, turned off all the lights and tromped up the narrow, winding staircase to my room above the barn. It was past 12:15 p.m. It is a full moon.
Coworker Annoyed:
Risky had a crack heel (his left hind). I asked Nacho, the groom, if we should put something on it before training. He was confused, and Julie asked what I was talking about. She looked at it and told me that it was preexisting, and that it was the initial problem we were dealing with.
After I had ridden him and bathing him, I was gently drying off his cracked heel with a towel, removing the abrasive particles, such as sand and sawdust from the, (essentially,) incision. Nacho was watching-over from outside the stall door and was being impatient, telling me, “It’s okay. I’ll take care of it.”
I continued to clean and inspect the heel, for my own curiosity. Nacho became more impatient and agitated, entering the stall and abruptly rubbing a gob of ointment into the area I had been cleaning, mixing the abrasive sand particles and saw dust into the ointment as he was applying it, defeating the purpose of my efforts! Furthermore, suspending those particles within the ointment so they continuer to rub the wound open, never allowing it to heal.
Why he was annoyed at me:
He was annoyed, because he is the groom in charge of the horses’ care; and the optics of the situation made it seem as though his expertise was being called in to question. That was far from my intent, and the notion had not even crossed my mind. People get mad at me for similar situations all throughout my entire life! it is a strange, repeating occurance.
Frogz
The [Abridged] Diary of Christopher “Chip” Allen Van Hassel
-(b. December 21, 1978. Pompton Plains, New Jersey. [Journeyman/Explorer, Thoroughbred Jockey, Journalist, Statesman, Woodsman]. )
Sunday April 30, 2023
Woke up at Christine’s house to the wonderous thumping of the rain upon the rooftop. Slept on the couch. Stringent tangents of wet breeze.
We both woke up to check the crockpot and went back to sleep. Lazy Sunday morning. Doug Kindred of Florida lent me $87.58 to pay my phone/transmitter device bill.
Christine told me to fire up my laptop computer to see if I could get it to function properly, which it Does, now!!!
I tried to send a nine page fax to the Municipal Court of the City of Aiken, South Carolina; but I think the machine only sent one cover sheet! Bench warrant for me tomorrow! Sic Semper Tyranis!
It has been a big, tragic, prosperous week, all with my lifestyle, financial position, my documenting my Travel and studies. I visited the University of Virginia the other day on a sojourn to retrain from the archives some research I’ve been compiling for Brother Adams. I have been able to read passages from the Diary I journeyed up here to put my hands on. I was particularly interested in the photographs I would see which would prove a theory I had understood to be true. Lo and Behold, alas I had eyed that prize sought! I was able to send the photos to Brother Don from my ,”phone,” to his, “phone.” It is a fraternal guarantee, he cried heavy tears of gratitude and joy when he hung up the phone. I did for him what nobody else could understand or even care to do. My findings broadened my scope of research whilst it has narrowed and more-defined the path which Brother Adams has been working so many years to cut!
I sent him this photo, along with some others:
