Demaree
He asked me,
“That girl…,
Is she your girlfriend?”
“No,” I said,
And he remarked that
We were probably close.
I agreed not saying anything,
Not wanting to taint
What she and I had.
His words confirmed
My belief to me.
His words, at the same time,
Also reimbursed my understanding
That she will always fly
Ever so freely
Ever so Without me.
Every fleeting moment with her
Was both so blissful,
Yet equally so painful,
For it is known
that she and I
Would both definitely
Go away
And not together.
To see each other
Never
Ever
Again.
That was agreed upon silently.
Each moment we had alone
Had been so carefully
Tossed away
Like a skipping stone, across a lake,
As if thrown by a smiling child.
Each sparkle of her eye,
Every time I saw her…
What I saw in her
Was all I want to know
And all I want to feel
And the only place
I would want to live
And die
Was in her arms,
Or she, in mine.
Every time my mind sees her,
She
Pulls my heart so hard,
So tuggingly.
The beautiful tragedy
Of deferred love-
The timeless stares
Into each other’s eyes,
The ultimate agreements
Along with the new,
Amazing way of seeing how
Each other sees things,
So differently (at times), but so relatable,…
Every new gem
Jamming us so lovingly close together,…
Every gem given away,
Dropped into the river
To be,… forgotten.
Yes, forgotten.
Forever.
The feeling, though,
will Never go away.
Love is universal.
Understanding that,
we both encourage
each other to stray,
Even though the strongest part of us
Does not want the other to go away.
Yes, the fleeting moment,
This pause in time,
Thoughts of her
Both cleanse and cloud my mind.
And when she is gone,
When I am gone and away,
There will be those little things
Throughout life
Every day
That will make me smile,
That will make me cry,
Reminding me of her.
Things everywhere
Will remind me of her
And make me feel so complete
Whilst also making me feel so alone
All in the same song,
All in the same note.
All at the same time.
So elusive,
Indeed, not to be touched,
Untainted, but by what?
Lust is no longer lust
When Love breathes open the door.
The line we never crossed
Is both our saving grace,
As it also was
Both our loss.
The one, full vibration,
Scattered within its own perfection,
We both feel it
And revealed it to each other.
With her, there was no sin,
Only honesty,
Open heart,
Sincerity
and sharing
Everything,… I mean EVERYTHING-
Those things that, with others,
We strongly hold within.
So deep in my heart,
Her voice dances this song.
So shameless and showing,
Her movements
Sing the steps to me,
Purposely, but fleetingly,…
The painfull irony of:
“We Love each other right now,
But
This experience
Will not last long.”
One note on the musical staff
Sounding so happy,
Yet so sorrowful
In the same pluck
of the same string.
We both yearned to be held
At the end of the day.
We both saw each other
And Knew,
And we both
For whatever (good) reason,…
We both made the choice
To stay away.
When she was weeping,
He told me,
“Don’t worry. She is ok.”
I told him, “I know.”
And I did know
And had faith in her
That she was her own light
Even in the darkest of her own times.
I never looked her way that day;
But I never really wondered
How the shaman knew,…
He just knew, because he felt it,
Saw it.
His question
reminded me of the great pain-
His question
reminded me
That I love her
And that she loves me,
But the reminder that I told myself
Was and Is,
“You need to stay away.”
In time, down the road,
We both might wonder,
“What if,….” while knowing
Why it cannot be.
We both are confident
That it all happened as it should.
The fire needs the wood to burn-
In the end, both the fire and the wood
Are gone.
The warmth that was shared,
Though,
Was ever so worth it,
Ever so alive
in the rebirth
of the dying moment!
The shadow on the page
Flickered permanently
Only by the momentary candlelight.
The words are forever gone,
But the tune will always stay;
Her voice will always be
My favorite song.
And when I was gone
By choice;
And when she had to move-on
With her voice,
I remembered the good she bought out
In me-
My forever-smile
Is her
Within me,
Even though it was alway there
Without her-
My only sunshine,
My collection of shells
Scattered along the beaches of the world,
From sea to shining sea.
Left freely out there
For others to take
And to love,
To marvle at
And to see.
I gave her all I had to give-
My last orange slice,
The last of the food I had;
I did go hungry
Just so she could have a meal,
Even knowing that without that,
She surely would have been fed.
I guess I suffered selfishly;
I went hungry just for me.
What was it all worth? …
“This is the calling. Have you heard?”
It was the opportunity to give love
And never expect love back-
That is true love.
There are not many people
In life
Who will accept that from you.
I know that sounds odd,
But it is ever so true!
It felt so right
Every day I saw her,
Every night. …
All she let me give her
Is actually her gift to me-
To allow me to love someone,…
That’s all I wanted;
And she allowed me to love her.
She allowed that
to be.
Cooking with her
Was the highlight of my night
And the moon-glimmer of my day.
She will never be to me,
“The one that got away.”
When I see her smile,
I know,
That she is the one
who simply chose not to stay.
Just a pause
In this endless moment.
Only a pause
Out of choice.
To choose to stay away
Is nothing more
Than to choose to stay away.
The frog croaks one day.
Until
The frog croaks one day.
October 30, 2018